~xxeyeofthewonton

No, I didn't sleep.

These are the songs that, from now on, I'm going to live by; that I'm going to try to take into retrospect so I can be...who I want to be.

Bryan Adams - "Sound the Bugle"

Sound the bugle now - play it just for me
As the seasons change - remember how I used to be
Now I can't go on - I can't even start
I've got nothing left - just an empty heart

I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me - lead me away...
Or leave me lying here

Sound the bugle now - tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know - that leads to anywhere
Without a lighter fear that I will - stumble in the dark
Lay right down - decide not to go on

Then from on high - somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls - remember who your are
If you lose yourself - your courage soon will follow

So be strong tonight - remember who you are
Yeah you're a soldier now - fighting in a battle
To be free once more -Yeah that's worth fighting for



What I think: It's tempting to just give up, to take down the braces that hold the caving walls, to set fire to everything you've ever done because you just thought it wasn't good enough. It's hard to be strong…for me, it's hard to stay focused, to meet new people, to face my fear, to look behind me and not be afraid, to just…live. But I'm done now. I'm going to try harder. I'm going to be able to look over my shoulder and smirk in his face and tell him how much of a dickhead he is.







Linkin Park – "Somewhere I Belong"



(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Repeat Chorus]

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

[Repeat Chorus]

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong



What I think: I'm not a nobody. I'm a somebody. And I'm going to prove it to everyone that I'm not going to let my past get to me everyday of my life.







Linkin Park – "No More Sorrow"



Are you lost
In your lies
Do you tell yourself I don't realize

Your crusade's a disguise
Replace freedom with fear
You trade money for lives

I'm aware of what you've done

[Chorus]
No no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
[End Chorus]

I see pain
I see need
I see liars and thieves
Abuse power with greed

I had hope
I believed
But I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived

You will pay for what you've done

[Chorus]
No no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
[End Chorus]

Thieves and hypocrites
Thieves and hypocrites
Thieves and hypocrites

[Chorus]
No no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced

No no more sorrow
I've paid for your mistakes
Your time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced

Your time has come to be replaced
Your time has come to be erased

[End Chorus]



What I think: …it's pretty self explanatory, don't you think? Especially the bridges…







Lostprophets – "Broken Hearts, Torn Up Letters, and the Story of a Lonely Girl"



Broken hearts and torn up letters
Girl you just can't dance forever
If you want to make it better...

Her hands are in her pockets
And she's scared to look
The picture's frozen
And she's closed the book
Jealousy has only got one friend
And Joey's heart was never meant to mend
Walking faster now she holds him close
The timing matters just to take the dose
Empty pockets tell the stories..

And there's no destiny when everyone's your enemy
Take your jealous heart and cast it into stone
You'll regret it all
Living behind your wall
And you'll never fall in love
If you don't fall at all

Broken hearts and torn up letters
Girl you just can't dance forever
If you want to make it better...

The nights are getting darker
And the wind is cold
The summer sun
Has now become so old
Her closest friends
Were never meant to fade
With all these dreams
That didn't make the grade
Close the doors but never look inside
Time will tell if all your love has died
Empty pockets tell the stories...

And there's no destiny when everyone's your enemy
Take your jealous heart and cast it into stone
You'll regret it all
Living behind your wall
And you'll never fall in love
If you don't risk it all

Broken hearts and torn up letters
Girl you just can't dance forever
If you want to make it better

Broken hearts and torn up letters
Girl you just can't dance forever
If you want to make it better
Times like these won't last forever...

Close the doors but never look inside
Time will tell if all your love has died
Empty pockets tell the stories...

And there's no destiny when everyone's your enemy
Take your jealous heart and cast it into stone
You'll regret it all
Living behind your wall
And you'll never fall in love
If you don't fall at all

You'll regret it all
(Broken hearts and torn up letters)
Living behind your wall
(Girl you just can't dance forever)
And you'll never fall in love if you don't risk it all
(If you want to make it better...)

Broken hearts and torn up letters
Girl you just can't dance forever
If you want to make it better
Times like these won't last forever...



What I think: I can't hold onto things anymore. What's done is done, and what's done will make me stronger. I have to put in the effort to be who I want to be…I gotta dance. I gotta risk it all. Life's too short for it to be wasted, so I'm going to live it.







Motion City Soundtrack – "Broken Heart"



I'll start this broken heart
I'll fix it up so it will work again
Better than before
Then I'll star in a mystery
A tragic tale of all that's yet to come
Fingers crossed there will be love

But I get carried away with every day
And every fantasy
the deeper the wound,
the harder I swoon and wish that that was me

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I'm getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I'll devise the best disguise
A brand new look and take them by surprise
They'll never guess what's not inside

I'll express myself with ease,
With confidence and character complete
With fingers crossed they'll talk to me

But I get carried away with every page
In every magazine
The cheaper the thrill
the deeper I fill my head with blasphemy

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I'm getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I'll destroy this useless heart
I'll fuck it up so it'll never beat again
Not just for me but for anyone

But I get carried away
with every phrase and made up malady
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
You never get used to it, you just have to live with it



What I think: The last lines are really the ones that pertain to what I'm trying to do…you never really do get used to all the shit that happens, but life wouldn't be life without it's shit, would it?







Motion City Soundtrack – "Fell in Love Without You"



Last night I fell in love without you.
I waved goodbye to that heart of mine
Beating solo on your lawn

Every aching wound will cauterize and bruise
In memory of what we used to call in love
And only time will tell if violins will swell
In memory of what we used to call in love
We used to call it love

Last night I fell in love without you
The coup-de-grace that set me off
Would've made for decent fiction

Every aching wound will cauterize and bruise
In memory of what we used to call in love
And only time will tell if violins will swell
In memory of what we used to call in love
We used to call it...

Last night I fell in love without you
The stars at night aren't as big and bright
As you make them out to be

And every aching wound will cauterize and bruise
In memory of what we used to call in love
And only time will tell if violins will swell
In memory of what we used to call in love
In memory of when we used to call it love



What I think: I don't love you anymore, you worthless bastard, so…I'm going to forget about you and not let you haunt my every dream. I'm going to get sleep every night. I'm going to give off a glare that will send you running off into space. And you'll remember me for not being afraid.







Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet"



Well she never was the best
Yeah at following the trends
Stayed one step above the rest
And even though it seemed

Like the world was crashing on her
Didn't let it hold her down
Didn't hold her back oh no

Don't worry you'll show them

[Chorus:]
There's a fire in your eyes
And I hope you'll let it burn
There's a scream in your voice
And I hope you will be heard
There's a fire in your eyes
And I hope you'll let it burn
Until you're heard, you're heard

Seventeen is just a test
Yeah and I would recommend
That you live with no regrets
And even if it seems

Like the world is crashing on you
You shouldn't let it hold you down
Shouldn't hold you back oh no, woah oh

Don't worry you'll show them

[Chorus]

Relax girl, turn down the lights
No one can see you shining
Relax girl, it'll be alright
No one can stop you if you try

Point of rhythm is to follow it in time
To listen to the beating in your mind
Remember if you seek then you shall find
Woah oh

[Chorus x2]
...until you're heard...



What I think: I want to be the girl they're talking to.







Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – "Your Guardian Angel"



When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]



What I think: This is the song that made me cry last night. I just had to put it in here. It's making me cry now too. It reminds me of the friends that are always there for me, and that I'm never alone. Ever.







Incubus – "The Warmth"



I'd like to close my eyes and go numb

But there's a cold wind coming from

The top of the highest high rise today

Its not a breeze cuz it blows hard

Yes and it wants me to discard the

The humanity I know, watched the warmth blow away

So don't let the world bring you down

Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold

Remember why you came and while you're alive

Experience the warmth before you grow old

So do you think I should adhere

To that pressing new frontier

And leave in my wake, a trail of fear

Should I hold my head up high

And throw a wrench and spokes by

I'm leaving the air behind me clear

So don't let the world bring you down

Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold

Remember why you came and while you're alive

Experience the warmth before you grow old

So don't let the world bring you down

Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold

Remember why you came and while you're alive

Experience the warmth before you grow old

Before you grow old



What I think: I can't let things bring me down. "He's just one guy. Just one guy."











Thank you to everyone who opened my eyes, who didn't give up on me…I owe you my life. You each were there for every breakdown, every scream, every nightmare, every cut…you even prevented me from doing so. You all mean the world to me, and I can't tell you how much I love each and every one of you. This post is dedicated to all of you. If I could lasso all the stars out of the sky and give you each one that fit your personality, I'd do it. If I could fly, I'd take you each on my back and take you places you've yet to see. If I could sing well, I'd sing every song I've ever heard, all for you. Each of you has touched my heart and soul in ways I can't describe. I would die for every one of you, take a bullet, jump off a cliff, you name it. This is the kind of love that never dies, the kind of love that is embedded in your heart on this earth and on into heaven. You will never be forgotten. ♥